Sunday, February 5, 2012

This has nothing to do about food, but everything to do about me

When my husband asked me if being pregnant changed my opinion on abortion, my immediate response was "of course not"

But after thinking about it more, it had changed. It made me more pro-choice. I don't actually know if there is such a thing as being "more pro-choice" but it made me intimately aware of how important it is to be able to choose when to have children.

Our son Max was 100% a planned pregnancy. We discussed starting a family, discussed when we would want to be pregnant and, knowing that it could take a few tries, chose a time to start  trying. And yet, even after the 2nd "positive" pregancy test, there was still an air of "holyjesuswhatthehellhavewegottenourselvesinto".  We were happy for sure, but scared.

I can not imagine what it might have felt like if it was an unplanned pregnancy. And if my only choice were to continue the pregnancy.

Pregnancy changes your body almost immediately. For me, there was no mistaking that something was going on. Everything I did was tinged with the thought that there was a baby growing inside of me.

Yep, I totally just called it a "baby".  Because this was a child I wanted.

And if there was any doubt in my mind about it, that doubt was obliterated when I started bleeding at 10.5 weeks. As I drove to the OB's, hysterically crying that I was miscarrying, it hit me. To me, this is a baby.  Not because life starts at conception, or because some right wing, anti-choice nut said so, but because this was a wanted child. Wanting this child made it so. Logically, scientifically and politically, I understood that it wasn't. But because of my intent, it  was my child.

And I could not imagine anyone being forced to continue with a pregnancy that was not intended.

I loved being pregnant. I imagined myself to be a glowing beacon of fertility. Even when I was huffing and puffing as I walked from our seats at Dodger Stadium to our car a million miles away, I loved being pregnant. I did prenatal yoga and had a doula and had cute maternity clothes.

But pregnancy takes a toll on your body. (Understatement of the century) Not a day went by that there wasn't something that reminded me of what was going on inside. Heartburn, jabs to the ribs, food aversions.

What is the value of forcing a woman to go through 9 months of pregnancy for an unwanted child?
My baby is loved, because he was wanted. He was "Max" when, at week 12, the ultrasound tech was able to discern he was a boy. 

He was "Max" because we wanted him.


  1. beautifully written and insightful. thanks, mel.

  2. Wow I stumbled upon this and it was an amazing empowering read. Thanks for posting it.


    Morgan - Philadelphia

  3. I suppose the author was wanted.

  4. sounds nice and reasonable, but isn't that what eugenics was about: cleaning-out the "unwanted" people, so that the "wanted"s could have their perfect, unblemished world? seems the nazis did the same thing: go, Dr Mengele! it's so sad that a person created even inadvertently can't just get a chance to be born & raised by some people somewhere who "want" them. Jesus weeps for this.